What it Takes to Grow Strong Relationships
Strong relationships don’t grow by accident.
They don’t grow from more empathy, better conflict strategies, or even better communication skills. Some people assume strong relationships are built on a sense of safety and security.
They aren’t.
Strong relationships grow from something deeper…a solid sense of Self.
Without it, people become reactive. Disappointment sparks defensiveness. Disagreement leads to shutdown. Distance creates panic. Instead of staying steady, we try to control the tension, and over time the relationship becomes more about keeping things calm than growing strong.
In my work as a couples, family, and sex therapist, I see again and again that struggles with intimacy, conflict, and desire are less about communication and more about an underdeveloped sense of Self.
Many adults are navigating intimate relationships using strategies that worked in childhood but do not help adult intimacy. And here’s the part most people don’t realize: intimate relationships provide the very pressure that has the potential to prompt this kind of development.
If you want to grow a strong relationship, you don’t start by fixing the other person.
You start by growing yourself up.
What We Mean by a “Self”
When we talk about a Self, we’re not talking about confidence, self-esteem, or a strong personality.
We’re talking about something sturdier.
