How Your Survival Instincts Keep You Asleep
Most of us don’t realize we’ve fallen asleep until something jolts us awake.
It might be snapping at someone we love and not quite knowing why. Or realizing we’ve driven all the way home and don’t remember the drive. Or hearing ourselves say something sharp and thinking, That didn’t sound like me.
Those moments aren’t just lapses in patience or attention. They’re signs we’re moving through our lives on autopilot—functioning, but not fully aware. Like being underwater without noticing the depth, we adjust to the pressure, reacting instead of choosing, defending instead of noticing. This is what it means to fall asleep to ourselves.
Self-awareness is the practice of staying awake. It’s the willingness to notice what’s happening inside us—our thoughts, emotions, body responses, and impulses—as they’re happening, not after the damage is done. And while that sounds simple, it’s often deeply uncomfortable. Waking up means sensing the pressure, recognizing how deep we’ve gone, and seeing patterns we’d rather explain away, justify, or ignore.
As Dr. David Schnarch wrote, “You start to wake up and think you’re in a nightmare.”
Initially, waking up feels worse, not better, so it makes sense that we resist it. Furthermore, waking up to a nightmare prompts an urge to go back to sleep.
